Multitude of Miseries

I have a couple of rants today.  I was going to divide them up into multiple blogs, but I figured fuck it.  It's just easier to do one long one with different titles.

North vs. South
Yes, this is directly at you.  I'm not naming names because I like to be somewhat vague and anonymous, but you'll know who I'm pointing my finger at momentarily.  If you don't like the way we do things down here, then go back to the frozen Northland you came from.  Don't be bitchy with me because LSU is the biggest team in Louisiana after the Saints.  You are showing the perfect fucking example of a true Northern mentality.  You're unwilling to budge.  You think you're better than we are.  Well let me tell you something motherfucker.  I can run circles around you any day and you know it.  So I would watch were you step with this whole "I hate LSU thing" because if you're not careful, you're going to find yourself in some serious hot water with me.  I'm not saying you have to love LSU, but you at least have to give them a chance.  Yes, you can hate the fans.  Most of the time I do anyway.  But don't turn your nose up at the school and the team just because of the fans.  Stop and take a look at them.  Yes, sometimes they're good and sometimes they're bad.  Doesn't mean a god-damn thing.  Penn State is the same way.  Just because Joe Paterno has been coaching there for a thousand years doesn't make them any better or worse than LSU.  I bet if I asked you to go to a game with me (which I wouldn't, unless it was baseball), you would purposely root for the other team.  Which I have to say is a really shitty thing to do.  It just goes to show how much of an asshole you truly are.  I agreed to go to Huntsville for the Penn State v. Bama game and to root for Penn State.  Would you do the same for me?  Doubt it.  My advise to you is clear that chip off your shoulder because you're letting it cloud your vision.

Sleepless Nights
I have this odd, strange and perverse desired to be possessed.  Not like by a demon, but to actually be owned by someone.  I keep having this dream that I'm hanging from a ceiling with a bunch of other "people," almost like balloons waiting to be picked by kids.  As the "people" fall they are sold.  I'm always the first one to fall and the last one waiting to get sold.  I guess I'm having feelings of inadequacy.  I want someone to touch me, at this point, I want anyone to touch me.  I want to feel wanted and beautiful, special.  Hell, I bet if I didn't kiss you before I left the bar, you wouldn't even grab me to get one.  You would just let me walk out the door.  I'm not the boring one, you are.  At least I've been smiling lately.  I've been trying to stay upbeat, but sometimes, I just don't have the energy.  It would be nice if someone besides me showed a little affection.  I guess that would be too much to ask since you don't know if you're coming or going.  Somehow you manage to do as little as possible and still have my heart completely.  I just don't understand it.  I wish I still had your heart.  Oh well.  A little is better than none.

Um, HELLO
When I say I have to write a paper that means *DUH* I have to write a paper for school.  Don't come to me and say "can you google blah, blah for me" because you're too fucking lazy to do it yourself.  I know you know how to google.  You do it all the time when I'm not around.  Quit bothering me just because I'm awake at 7:30 in the morning on a Saturday.  Maybe I have things to do, like write a paper on Shakespeare's Richard II.  Do you think this is something that I really want to do?  Get up early on a Saturday to finish writing a fucking paper because I never seem to be able to finish it during the week between the laundry and cooking dinner and all the other bullshit you expect me to do.  I want to sleep late.  I want to relax on the weekends, but no instead I have to deal with you and whatever stupid little things that you want me to do.  No, I'm not helping you in the yard today.  Dirty's coming over.  He can help you so that I can do what I need to do.  Yes, I may go to Whole Foods and Michael's and maybe JoAnn's.  I might go get new front tires too, but I may just wait and make you bring me to do that tomorrow.  I really have to clean out my car, but I'm not that motivated.  So I'm going to go write my paper now.  Please leave me alone for a few hours so I can finish.