Missing You, Missing Me

So today begins the first day of the rest of my life, well at least the rest of my medical (physical) life.  Since my period started yesterday after almost three weeks of playing this stupid disappearing act, I can finally start back on birth control.  WooHoo!?!?  I don't know how I feel about it.  I mean on one hand, I can't complain about not having to worry about the whole mini-me thing, but on the other, having to take a pill everyday...it's not something I ever really wanted to have to worry about until I got older (you know, like 70 older).

I'm missing you a lot lately.  I know things have been kind of crazy for us the last couple of weeks, but especially now with this whole NOLA Morality thing, it's going to put an even greater strain on our relationship.  I know we should be cautious and worry about who is watching you and watching us, but I just can't get serious about it.  I actually find it kind of entertaining that someone would go through that much trouble to try to sabotage you.  I'm just tired of being in the shadows and whoever is doing this is just trying to mess with your head, my head and her head.  I think after everything calms down, things are going to change dramatically.  No, I don't believe a word that was said.  No, I don't believe that you are the Tiger Woods of NOLA.  You may resemble him, but you sure as hell don't act like him.  This whole thing is just totally fucked up.  Everything will be fine.  I have faith.  I've been saying that a lot.  I guess if I don't, the only thing left is despair and I want to be happy.

I don't know what to say about last night.  Seeing Drew did make me realize why he and I aren't together anymore.  Everything is always all about him.  His problems, his issues, his goings on.  I don't even know what I ever found attractive about him.  I guess I was having one of those "What was I thinking nights?"  I can't believe I ever dated him.  UGH.  I guess I can say that it was nice to see him.  I would never wish anything bad on him, but I would definitely question what I ever saw in him.  I don't think that now, if he and I met, we would be friends even.  He's kind of a tool, but then that's just my opinion.  I don't know what you thought about him.  I don't really care.

Last night was a good night despite having to see him.  I did a pretty good job of being open and warm towards Monica.  I wasn't jealous that you were talking to her, partially because I was talking to Drew and partially because it's just Monica.  I know who you wanted to go home with last night.  I know who you would have gone home with had it been an option.  I didn't even flinch when I left and Monica was still there.  I didn't care.  I hope the rest of the night wasn't too bad for you.  I know it was unusually slow for a Saturday but still, I worry about you when you're there.  There's always the chance that something could happen.  It's just the mom in me.  Just like you worry about me, I worry about you.

So today, to pass the time between loads of laundry (since Dad washed their clothes during, but couldn't bother with mine), I'm having a "scary" movie day.  I watched "Drag Me to Hell," which was probably one of the worst movies I have ever seen.  If it was supposed to be scary, it failed miserably.  Now I'm moving on to "Zombieland."  I think it's going to be like "Shawn of the Dead," which I absolutely loved.  Of course, I think Simon Pegg is brilliantly funny.  We'll see how this one turns out.  I'm going to work on mother's fingerless gloves while I watch.

I would really like to see you tonight, just the two of us.  It would be nice to spend some time together, especially since I need your opinion on my new hair-do.  Mom says it's a why bother, meaning she can't really tell a difference, so she doesn't understand why I would have paid the extra $25 to get the color put in.  It actually is kind of cool.  I think next time I might even go a little redder, be a little bit bolder.  Summer is coming up, and I'm going to start working out more (it's just been too cold and nasty the past couple of weeks).  Once the weather clears up some, I'm going to make it a point to lose 10 lbs (at least) by my birthday.  I know the whole, you have to gain weight to lose weight thing, especially when you're workng out because you gain muscle and then you start burning fat, but I think 10 pounds is a reasonable number.  I would like to lose about 25 by the end of the year.  If I stay motivated, I think I can do it.  Maybe you can help me stay motivated, kind of like I help you.

Anyway, off to the movies and knitting.  Ribs for dinner.  This meat and veggies thing with no carbs is kind of killing me.  I ate a whole bag of jelly beans today.  I gotta stop that.  Tomorrow, I'm bringing my lunch (frozen dinner) and my snacks are already at the office (cheese and veggies).  Next time I go to Wal-Mart, I need to get some more block cheese (Swiss, Mild Cheddar, Pepper Jack and maybe Mozzarella) so that I can make cubed cheese.  It makes an awesome snack and then of course, there are always carrot and celery sticks, which I snack on even when I'm at home.  Here I go again, rambling, typing non-sensically.  I have to end this now or I will just continue with the stream of conscious thing and I will never make it to the movie. 

OK gotta go NOW!  BYE!