Self Analyzation

After a fairly terrible weekend, I took sometime today to do a little thinking.  And in that thinking, I wound up talking to an old friend.  Someone who's known me for quite a while.  He said something to me that I guess you've been saying for a while.

I quote: "Your heart is a very difficult place to get into.  You are a great person, not difficult to understand...but you make it hard to get to the soft side we all know is in there, but you're protective of."  He's right.  I keep myself protected so that I don't get hurt.  It's not so that I don't get hurt in romantic relationships, it's so that I don't get hurt in my familiar (family) relationships.  You've seen the dynamic.  How I am treated compared to everyone else.  I can't share my feelings with them, so it makes it hard for me to share my feelings with anyone else.  That's why I am constantly bottling them up and then they come spurting out as acid against you.  I know it's hard to wait for me to come out and say what I'm thinking or whatever's going on with me, but patience is a virtue.  Neither one of us has any, but maybe that's something we can work on together.

I'm actually feeling pretty good about myself today.  You and I talked about the normal day to day stuff but we also talked about some other things as we have been the past week or so.  I'm still upset with you for bringing him out this past weekend, but I've made peace with that.  I've found a way to appease her and I hope that you can find a way to do the same with him.  We don't work without the two of them and they don't exsist without the two of us.  The four of us have to work to make this work.

A relationship is a give and take and I guess lately, I've been taking more than I've been giving, but I also remember a point when it was the opposite.  We can work on this.  Anyway, that's about all I have today.  I will be posting another one tonight, but I wouldn't suggest reading it unless you are prepared based on the title.